Choices

I don’t know how to break through. There is a wall, or perhaps a gulf between us. Words seem to mean different things to you than they do to me. Scripture seems to be the same. Anything I share seems to be ignored or misunderstood at best, or offensive at worst. I try to keep an open mind, but anything you share is basically the same as what I grew up with, and doesn’t bring in any additional light. 

It shouldn’t be that surprising. I was in the same place, not that long ago, focused on ‘approve’ sources and information and uncomfortable with anything coming from outside of that. Tradition was important to me, as was my family history. I was proud to be a descendent of Brigham Young. I had heard concerning things about him, but dismissed them as unimportant—he was, after all, a prophet, right?

That was, of course, before things changed, as I have written about before. Light and Truth flooded into my life. I learned that many traditions were false. My heart was broken open, and I began to look at things differently.

Light and Truth from God naturally makes you want to share it. I tried, especially with you. I failed to connect. In order for the Spirit of Truth to convey anything, both the speaker and the listener have to be in tune with it (D&C 50:21-22). Some things can be learned, but can’t be taught. I don’t know where the disconnect happened, but it breaks my heart.

I tried to share the same things that touched my heart. Why was I affected and you weren’t? I don’t know. There are too many variables. For some reason, probably many reasons, the circumstances of my life resulted in my heart being open. I wish I could repeat that situation for others, but I think only God can do that.

Despite the gulf of understanding, the responsibility still rests on us all to seek Truth, to receive from God and either accept of reject it. Accepting Truth leads to more truth. Rejecting it leads to less. Failure to recognize that we are being tested is no excuse—rather, it guarantees that we will fail the test. Choosing not to examine the evidence and decide a matter is still a choice.

And that’s what we’re here for, isn’t it? This life is a place for us to choose (2nd Nephi 2:11-16, 27-29). Utilizing our agency to seek out Truth and decide for ourselves if we will act in accordance with Truth is the only real thing we can do to become more like God. Our agency is really the only thing we have to offer Him. Closing our eyes and covering our ears only leads to failing the test.

Which leads to the choice that all Latter-day Saints must make. I’ve written before about how I don’t believe Joseph Smith was a polygamist. I still don’t believe that he was. The consequences of that issue are far reaching. There is evidence to support both sides, enough that it really comes down to an individual’s choice. You are free to choose. However, you are not free to choose the consequences of that choice. Choosing to believe Brigham Young leads to a host of problems and mental gymnastics that are necessary in order to continue believing in the Restoration. Choosing to believe Emma results in troubling accusations against the hierarchy of the LDS Church. Neither option will leave you feeling happy with the history or your traditions.

However, salvation is not a matter of comfort with history, or sticking to traditions. It is a matter of seeking and learning Truth from God, and living in accordance with it. Throughout scripture, God has little good to say about traditions. The Book of Mormon also shows that He is not interested in teaching history (indeed, the entire book is highly edited, and cannot be considered anything close to a full history).

This video can be hard to watch, but it presents primary sources that must be examined in order to make an informed choice on the matter:

This may not seem very important to you. You may think that you can ignore the issue and be fine. That may be true. However, if lies were perpetuated in Joseph Smith’s name, what does that mean for you? If you are relying on the accuracy of the revelations he received for your own salvation, might it be important to know if any of those revelations were tampered with? If the church that you are relying on for saving ordinances and knowledge about God is promoting false information about its founding prophet, isn’t that important to know? How much do you want to rely on tradition for your salvation?

I doubt that you will ever read this. I hope it will be of some help to someone. While I would love for you to experience the joy of learning what I have learned, my love for you does not depend on you believing me or believing as I do. However, I will admit that it is painful to see Truth rejected without a thorough examination.

It’s painful to let go of tradition. It’s painful to hear things that contradict deeply held beliefs. It’s painful to realize that you’ve been deceived. It’s painful to realize that ancestors you looked on with pride were not worthy of it. On the other hand, Truth is delicious. Truth makes you free. Truth is necessary for repentance.